The Story of The Stone: The Debt of Tears (Volume IV) by Cao Xueqin

Author:Cao Xueqin [Xueqin, Cao]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780141968919
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2011-09-25T16:00:00+00:00

Nightingale stood by, not daring to utter a single comforting word, for fear that she would say the wrong thing and cause further anguish. Dai-yu sat motionless for a considerable while, then finally began her morning toilet, negligently, her eyes still brimming with tears. When it was done, she remained sitting where she was for a few minutes, then asked Nightingale to light some of the Tibetan incense.

‘But Miss,’ protested Nightingale, ‘you’ve hardly had any sleep. What do you want to go lighting incense for? You’re surely not going to start copying the sutra again are you?’

Dai-yu nodded.

‘But you woke so early, Miss. If you start writing now you’ll exhaust yourself.’

‘What does that matter? The sooner it’s finished the better. I only want to do it to keep myself occupied anyway. And in days to come you will have my writing to remember me by.’

As she said this tears began to pour down her cheeks, and Nightingale was no longer able to offer consolation but burst into tears herself.

Dai-yu was resolved that from this day forward she would deliberately destroy her health. She soon lost her appetite, and gradually began to waste away. Bao-yu visited her whenever he could after school, but although there were a million things she wanted to tell him, her consciousness that they were no longer children inhibited her from showing her affection by teasing him in the old way, and rendered her powerless to express what was preying on her mind. Bao-yu for his part would have liked to talk with her sincerely and offer her some genuine comfort; but he was afraid of aggravating her illness by offending her in some way, and so when he did see her, he merely inquired politely how she was feeling and added a few words of encouragement. Theirs was a true case of estrangement in the very extremity of love.

Grandmother Jia and Lady Wang showed a motherly concern for Dai-yu, which however went no further than calling in the doctor. Not knowing the inner source of her illness, they put it down to her sickly constitution, and Nightingale and Snowgoose were much too afraid to tell them the truth. Dai-yu weakened day by day. After a fortnight her stomach had shrunk to the point where she could no longer bring herself to eat even gruel. Every conversation she overheard during the day seemed to her to be connected in some way with Bao-yu’s marriage. Every servant she saw from Green Delights seemed to be involved in the preparations. When Aunt Xue came to visit her, Bao-chai’s absence confirmed her suspicions. She began to hope that no one would come to see her. She refused to take her medicine. Her only remaining wish was to be left alone, and to die as quickly as possible. In her dreams she constantly heard people addressing the new ‘Mrs Bao’, and her mind grew totally obsessed with the idea, like the proverbial drinker who, seeing a curved bow reflected in his cup, is convinced that he has swallowed a snake.

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